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Continue reading →: Are You Mad At Me, God?The date on the piece of paper I was holding was February 7, 2024. It was written on my 39th birthday, at the first YAMO service of the year. My husband is the pastor of the young adults ministry of our church, Lighthouse Christian Community, and this year he started…
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Continue reading →: Pulling At the Seams, UnravellingI racked my brain hard for his name. What is happening? Why isn’t my brain working? I had just seen him a couple weeks prior, and yet when I was trying to, I could not conjure up his name. I have been friends with this person for years and yet…
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Continue reading →: Perspective From the In-BetweensI stared at the curtains for a few minutes. The room was still dark but I could see a little sliver of light in between the panels. It was 7AM, and I had hit the snooze button 3 times already, because I couldn’t get myself to wake up my snoring…
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Continue reading →: SafetyAs I looked out the car window and enjoyed the blur of the city lights whizzing past us, I felt safe. We were on our way back to the company Christmas party after going for a quick convenience store run, and I had enough alcohol in me to make me…
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Continue reading →: One Day, When It’s Our TurnOne day, when it’s our turn, we’ll dance the night away. Right there on the street like a couple of young people at the start of their adventure, we’ll dance and laugh and drink. They’ll mistake us for newlyweds, giddy and giggling, lost in places unfamiliar, tasting and smelling and…
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Continue reading →: In the Midst of ItI let out a laugh when I heard that the storm was coming this week, a tropical storm named Kristine. Of course she’s coming now, the same week my husband is in the hospital. Of course she and I have the same name. I’m now in a literal and figurative…
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Continue reading →: SabotageThis is terrible. Everything is terrible. Every single sentence I am stringing together is just downright abhorrent. I have written, deleted, edited and re-written this post so many times that I’m getting whiplash. What I’m trying to do is write about a thing I do every single time I seem…
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Continue reading →: GhostlyI used to think of waiting as a kind of suspended animation. Every so often and against my will, I find myself in a space where my heart is slowed to a whisper; all my biological functions reduced to imperceptible movement. I am asked to wait for something or someone,…
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Continue reading →: Minding the Mundane (So We Don’t Miss Anything)It’s a beautiful, sunny day on the beach. I can hear peals of laughter in the distance, and I tilt my head up to feel the warmth of the sun on my face. The air smells salty, my skin slick with sweat and SPF 50. Nothing is waiting for me,…
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Continue reading →: The MalignancyMy husband handed me the piece of paper that had the results. I read the words over and over again, not quite absorbing them fully. The doctor saying I’ve got bad news didn’t quite hit me at first either. It was like someone said I have two shoes. It was…
