Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling of deep sadness and a longing for something I can’t quite put my finger on. Now, I’ve recently been made aware that I have adenomyosis my hormones are all out of whack, and that’s why these spells happen. I’ve had to go through so many things just to get it under control – including being on medical menopause for 8 months. The last year has been me taking steps to get to a place where I don’t feel like I have to constantly power through daily life.

For the most part, I have a better understanding of what triggers these mood swings. While I can’t always make them go away, I am now cognizant that sometimes I just have to ride the wave and take comfort in the fact that this feeling will end. I will not always feel this way. The swell will dissipate and the clouds will part and the sun will shine through again.

But sometimes the waves get big and I feel swallowed up by the melancholy. A deep, dark blue that feels like hazy cotton in my brain and a sick, tired heart. I still get up and go about my day, try my best to work past the sticky, heavy feeling that makes me want to just curl up on the couch and ignore the world. It isn’t easy on those days, this being one of them, but I make do. And I pray and hope that I will wake up one day and realize that it has been many, many, many days since the last time that feeling took over. And I will breathe, and feel the sun on my face, and smile.