Literally one month ago today, I wrote about how much I wanted a big life. I felt on fire, inspired to take control of my life, my weight, my ambitions.

AND THEN a week after I said those words, my daughter fell and cut her chin open which required a 2-night hospital stay, wherein we found out she had pneumonia and required us to stay in as she recovered, and at the last part of that bout she THEN got hand, foot, mouth disease which required us YET ANOTHER WEEK IN ISOLATION.

All this, barely a month after I got covid and spent a week in isolation by myself.

Let’s just say that March wasn’t great, and it scoffed at my naiveté. SCOFFED.

As somebody who doesn’t do well with change and breaking routine, I now find myself yet again feeling a little untethered and out of sorts. I am struggling to ground myself so that I can feel firmly planted on earth and ready to run the race again. I feel like I had just walked into a room and totally forgot what I was about to do. Where was I going again? What was the plan? Wait, where am I?

So here I am, trying to find solace in writing (because therapy is expensive and we’re sending 2 kids to school this year!!!!!)

Life is like that all the time though, right? It always takes your best laid plans and laughs at it and then throws it back at your face and then laugh some more. I have to learn to roll with the punches and work with what I’m given because even if it isn’t fair, it’s reality.

And here is my reality, currently: I have 2 kids and no helper at home. We have a ministry to lead and personal struggles to surrender. I am a realtor who seems to have forgotten how to do real estate. I am struggling to get fit again but it feels like a gargantuan responsibility that is so far from becoming a possibility. I am a friend who can barely find time for her friends. I am a wife who wants to love her husband and sometimes doesn’t know if she’s doing it right. There is a giant carpet in the corner that I need to wash but I don’t know where to begin. Maybe a pail full of water and soap, and a plugged in power washer?

I guess this isn’t going to be one of those entries where I have a lesson to share. Usually I only write or share once the struggle is done and I’ve found myself on the other side, scratched up but a little bit wiser. That is not me today. Today I am in my night clothes, writing to find clarity, praying to find strength, and taking it one step at a time. I promised myself I would do this – write down all the in-betweens so that I get to see the messy parts too. So I can hopefully connect with all the other messes out there, and maybe help someone feel a little less alone.

Alright, now where do I plug this power washer in?