Imagine you’re on a bike. This bike has the worst seat, the type that just digs into your pelvis in the most special way it can. Now take this bike on a two-hour ride on a rocky mountainside, and you’ll have an idea of how Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) feels like. This has been my life for the past month, and it is not fun.

I had never heard of this, until I told my doctor about how I constantly feel like my vagene is about to fall out, and she told me about this wonderful pregnancy issue.

SPD is a condition that causes excessive movement of the pubic symphysis, either anterior or lateral, as well as associated pain, possibly because of a misalignment of the pelvis. Most commonly associated with pregnancy and childbirth,^{[citation needed]} it is diagnosed in approximately 1 in 300 pregnancies, although some estimates of incidence are as high as 1 in 50.^[1]

SPD is associated with pelvic girdle pain and the names are often used interchangeably.

(Thanks, Wikipedia!)

Basically, things are not aligned, and since my ligaments are softening way too early (in preparation for childbirth), any undue pressure on my pelvis makes me hurt. It hurts to roll over in bed, it hurts to get out of bed, it hurts to walk for too long, to go up and down stairs. It hurts to LIVE. I’ve been in this world of pain that sometimes makes me stop what I’m doing as I hold back tears from hurt and frustration. Why body, whyyyy???

There are a host of things that can cause this wonderful dysfunction, like hormones and previous injuries, and it is more common in second pregnancies. While there really isn’t anything you can do to prevent it for sure, there are a bunch of exercises you can do to help relieve the pain, like Kegels or pelvic tilts. Just make sure you don’t lift anything heavy or spread your legs too wide.

Yes, this means you’re gonna have to find some new creative ways to do the deed, ladies. IF you can even manage to get into the mood despite feeling like you want to drown your southern region in ice water.

These are the things that have worked for me so far:

1. Don’t stand or walk for a long time. Choose one major activity for the day if you really need to be out and about. Now is the perfect time to catch up on reading or binge watch shows. But also, I have a 4-year-old so that’s actually not possible LOL
2. If you need to sit, try to elevate your legs, or make sure that you are leaning back at an angle. Get your small child to bring you things. Four is a great age because you can still make them believe fetching you things is a great game!
3. Sleep on your side ONLY, and put a pillow between your legs. This helps ease pressure from your pelvis and lower back. Then ask your husband to rub your back until you fall asleep. This is a must.
4. Don’t push or lift anything heavy. This includes your emotional baggage. Girl, just let it go.
5. Laugh about it when you can. And then cry. Then laugh again. All the way until childbirth.

I got roughly 9 more weeks to go before I can give birth. If I yell at you for seemingly no good reason before then, please know that it’s just because my lower parts feel like it is on fire and it’s not personal at all. Unless it is. Bye.